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第35章 THE OBlIgINg WAITER

[Here is a story from David Copperfield, a book written nearly a hundred years ago by Charles Dickens. David is being sent to boarding school by his cruel stepfather, Mr. Murdstone, and he has been left at the inn at Yarmouth from which the coach leaves for London.]

The coach was in the yard, shining very much all over, but without any horses to it as yet; and it looked in that state as if nothing was more unlikely than its ever going to London. I was thinking this, and wondering what would ultimately become of my box, which Mr. Barkis had put down on the yard-pavement by the pole (he having driven up the yard to turn his cart), and also what would ultimately become of me, when a lady locked out of a bow-window where some fowls and joints of meat were hanging up, and said :

"Is that the little gentleman from Blunderstone? " "Yes, ma"am, " I said.

"What name ? " inquired the lady.

"Copperfield, ma"am, " I said.

"That won"t do, " returned the lady. "Nobody"s dinner is paid for here in that name. ""Is it Murdstone, ma"am ? " I said.

"If you"re Master Murdstone, " said the lady, "why do yougo and give another name first ? "I explained to the lady how it was, who then rang a bell and called out, "William, show the coffee-room ! " upon which a waiter came running out of a kitchen on the opposite side of the yard to show it, and seemed a good deal surprised when he was only to show it to me.

It was a large, long room, with some large maps in it. Idoubt if I could have felt much more lonely if the maps had been real foreign countries and I cast away in the middle of them. I felt it was taking a liberty to sit down, with my cap in my hand, on the comer of the chair nearest the door; and when the waiter laid a cloth on purpose for me, and put a set of cruets on it, I think I must have turned red all over with modesty.

He brought me some chops and vegetables, and took the covers off in such a bouncing manner that I was afraid I must have given him some offence. But he greatly relieved my mind by putting a chair for me at the table, and saying very affably, " Now, six-foot, come on ! "I thanked him, and took my seat at the board, but found it extremely difficult to handle my knife and fork with anything like dexterity, or to avoid splashing myself with the gravy while he was standing opposite, staring so hard, and making me blush in the most dreadful manner every time I caught his eye. After watching me into the second chop, he said :-"There"s half a pint of ale for you. Will you have it now ? "I thanked him, and said, " Yes. " Upon which, he poured it out of a jug into a large tumbler, and held it up against the light, and made it look beautiful.

"My eye! " he said, "it seems a good deal, doesn"t it? ""It does seem a good deal, " I answered, with a smile, forit was quite delightful to me to find him so pleasant.

"There was a gentleman here yesterday, " he said, "-a stout gentleman, by the name of Topsawyer, perhaps you know him?""No, " I said, "I don"t think-- ""In breeches and gaiters, broad-brimmed hat, grey coat, speckled necktie, " said the waiter.

" No, " I said bashfully, "I haven"t the pleasure--"" He came in here, " said the waiter, looking at the light through the tumbler, "ordered a glass of this ale-would order it-I told him not-drank it, and fell dead. It was too old for him! It oughtn"t to be drawn; that"s the fact. "I was very much shocked to hear of this melancholy accident, and said I thought I had better have some water.

"Why, you see, " said the waiter, still looking at the light through the tumbler, with one of his eyes shut up, "our people don"t like things being ordered and left. It offends "em. But I"ll drink it, if you like. I"m used to it; and use is everything. I don"t think it"ll hurt me if I throw my head back and take it off quick. Shall I ? "I replied that he would oblige me by drinking it if he thought he could do it safely. When he did throw his head back and take it off quick, I had a horrible fear, I confess, of seeing him meet the fate of the lamented Mr. Topsawyer, and fall lifeless on the carpet. But it didn"t hurt him. On the contrary, I thought he seemed the fresher for it.

"What have we got here? " he said, putting a fork into my dish, "Not chops? ""Chops, " I said.

"Dear me! " he exclaimed. "I didn"t know they were chops. Why, a chop"s the very thing to take off the bad effects of that beer! Isn"t it lucky? "So he took a chop by the bone in one hand, and a potato in the other, and ate away with a very good appetite, to my extreme satisfaction. He afterwards took another chop and another potato; and, after that, another chop and another potato. When he had done, he brought me a pudding and, having set it before me, seemed to fall into a brown study for some moments.

"How"s the pie ? " he said, rousing himself. "It"s a pudding, " I made answer.

"Pudding! " he exclaimed. "Why, bless me, so it is! What!" looking at it nearer, "you don"t mean to say it is a batter- pudding! ""Yes, it is indeed. ""Why, a batter-pudding, " he said, taking up a tablespoon,"is my favourite pudding. Isn"t that lucky ? Come on, little "un, and let"s see who"ll get most. "The waiter certainly got most. He entreated me, more than once, to come in and win; but what with his tablespoon to my teaspoon, his dispatch, to my dispatch, and his appetite to my appetite I was left far behind at the first mouthful, and had no chance with him. I never saw anyone enjoy a pudding so much, I think; and he laughed when it was all gone, as if his enjoyment of it lasted still.

It was a little annoying to me to find, when I was being helped up behind the coach, that I was supposed to have eaten all the dinner without any assistance. I discovered this from overhearing the lady in the bow- window say to the guard, "Take care of that child, George, or he"ll burst! " and from observing that the women servants who were about the place came out to look and giggle at me as a young phenomenon.

-From David Copperfield, by Charles Dickens.

Author.-Charles Dickens (see "Mr. Winkle on Skates").

General Notes.-How old do you think David Copperfield was at this stage of the story ? Several incidents will help you to answer this question. Make a drawing of the coffee-room; perhaps you can put David and the waiter in your drawing.

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