Istarted by first picturing in my mind a direct-current machine,running it and following the changing flow of the currents in the armature.Then Iwould imagine an alternator and investigate the processes taking place in a similar manner.Next Iwould visualize systems comprising motors and generators and operate them in various ways.The images Isaw were to me perfectly real and tangible.All my remaining term in Gratz was passed in intense but fruitless efforts of this kind,and Ialmost came to the conclusion that the problem was insolvable.
In 1880Iwent to Prague,Bohemia,carrying out my father"s wish to complete my education at the University there.It was in that city that Imade a decided advance,which consisted in detaching the commutator from the machine and studying the phenomena in this new aspect,but still without result.In the year following there was a sudden change in my views of life.Irealized that my parents had been making too great sacrifices on my account and resolved to relieve them of the burden.The wave of the American telephone had just reached the European continent and the system was to be installed in Budapest,Hungary.It appeared an ideal opportunity,all the more as a friend of our family was at the head of the enterprise.It was here that Isuffered the complete breakdown of the nerves to which Ihave referred.
What Iexperienced during the period of that illness surpasses all belief.My sight and hearing were always extraordinary.Icould clearly discern objects in the distance when others saw no trace of them.Several times in my boyhood Isaved the houses of our neighbors from fire by hearing the faint crackling sounds which did not disturb their sleep,and calling for help.
In 1899,when Iwas past forty and carrying on my experiments in Colorado,Icould hear very distinctly thunderclaps at a distance of 550miles.Yet at that time Iwas,so to speak,stone deaf in comparison with the acuteness of my hearing while under the nervous strain.In Budapest Icould hear the ticking of a watch with three rooms between me and the time-piece.Afly alighting on a table in the room would cause a dull thud in my ear.Acarriage passing at a distance of a few miles fairly shook my whole body.The whistle of a locomotive twenty or thirty miles away made the bench or chair on which Isat vibrate so strongly that the pain was unbearable.The ground under my feet trembled continuously.Ihad to support my bed on rubber cushions to get any rest at all.The roaring noises from near and far often produced the effect of spoken words which would have frightened me had Inot been able to resolve them into their accidental components.The sun"s rays,when periodically intercepted,would cause blows of such force on my brain that they would stun me.Ihad to summon all my will power to pass under a bridge or other structure as Iexperienced a crushing pressure on the skull.In the dark Ihad the sense of a bat and could detect the presence of an object at a distance of twelve feet by a peculiar creepy sensation on the forehead.My pulse varied from a few to two hundred and sixty beats and all the tissues of the body quivered with twitchings and tremors which was perhaps the hardest to bear.Arenowned physician who gave me daily large doses of Bromide of Potassium pronounced my malady unique and incurable.
It is my eternal regret that Iwas not under the observation of experts in physiology and psychology at that time.Iclung desperately to life,but never expected to recover.Can anyone believe that so hopeless a physical wreck could ever be transformed into a man of astonishing strength and tenacity,able to work thirty-eight years almost without a day"s interruption,and find himself still strong and fresh in body and mind?Such is my case.Apowerful desire to live and to continue the work,and the assistance of a devoted friend and athlete accomplished the wonder.My health returned and with it the vigor of mind.In attacking the problem again Ialmost regretted that the struggle was soon to end.Ihad so much energy to spare.When Iundertook the task it was not with a resolve such as men often make.With me it was a sacred vow,a question of life and death.Iknew that Iwould perish if Ifailed.Now Ifelt that the battle was won.Back in the deep recesses of the brain was the solution,but Icould not yet give it outward expression.
One afternoon,which is ever present in my recollection,Iwas enjoying a walk with my friend in the City Park and reciting poetry.At that age Iknew entire books by heart,word for word.One of these was Goethe"s Faust.The sun was just setting and reminded me of the glorious passage:
"Sie ruckt und weicht,der Tag ist uberlebt,
Dort eilt sie hin und fordert neues Leben.
Oh,dass kein Flugel mich vom Boden hebt
Ihr nach und immer nach zu streben!
Ein schoner Traum indessen sie entweicht,
Ach,zu des Geistes Flugeln wird so leicht
Kein korperlicher Flugel sich gesellen!"
[The glow retreats,done is the day of toil;
It yonder hastes,new fields of life exploring;
Ah,that no wing can lift me from the soil
Upon its track to follow,follow soaring!
Aglorious dream!though now the glories fade.
Alas!the wings that lift the mind no aid
Of wings to lift the body can bequeath me.]
As Iuttered these inspiring words the idea came like a flash of lightning and in an instant the truth was revealed.Idrew with a stick on the sand the diagrams shown six years later in my address before the American Institute of Electrical Engineers,and my companion understood them perfectly.The images Isaw were wonderfully sharp and clear and had the solidity of metal and stone,so much so that Itold him:"See my motor here;watch me reverse it."Icannot begin to describe my emotions.Pygmalion seeing his statue come to life could not have been more deeply moved.Athousand secrets of nature which Imight have stumbled upon accidentally Iwould have given for that one which Ihad wrested from her against all odds and at the peril of my existence.
