登陆注册
19462700000043

第43章

But I was secured in this point, for as I had no inclination to change, so I had no manner of acquaintance in the whole house, and so no temptation to look any farther. I kept no company but in the family when I lodged, and with the clergyman's lady at next door; so that when he was absent Ivisited nobody, nor did he every find me out of my chamber or parlour whenever he came down; if I went anywhere to take the air, it was always with him.

The living in this manner with him, and his with me, was certainly the most undesigned thing in the world; he often protested to me, that when he became first acquainted with me, and even to the very night when we first broke in upon our rules, he never had the least design of lying with me; that he always had a sincere affection for me, but not the least real inclination to do what he had done. I assured him I never suspected him; that if I had I should not so easily have yielded to the freedom which brought it on, but that it was all a surprise, and was owing to the accident of our having yielded too far to our mutual inclinations that night; and indeed I have often observed since, and leave it as a caution to the readers of this story, that we ought to be cautious of gratifying our inclinations in loose and lewd freedoms, lest we find our resolutions of virtue fail us in the junction when their assistance should be most necessary.

It is true, and I have confessed it before, that from the first hour I began to converse with him, I resolved to let him lie with me, if he offered it; but it was because I wanted his help and assistance, and I knew no other way of securing him than that. But when were that night together, and, as I have said, had gone such a length, I found my weakness; the inclination was not to be resisted, but I was obliged to yield up all even before he asked it.

However, he was so just to me that he never upbraided me with that; nor did he ever express the least dislike of my conduct on any other occasion, but always protested he was as much delighted with my company as he was the first hour we came together: I mean, came together as bedfellows.

It is true that he had no wife, that is to say, she was as no wife to him, and so I was in no danger that way, but the just reflections of conscience oftentimes snatch a man, especially a man of sense, from the arms of a mistress, as it did him at last, though on another occasion.

On the other hand, though I was not without secret reproaches of my own conscience for the life I led, and that even in the greatest height of the satisfaction I ever took, yet I had the terrible prospect of poverty and starving, which lay on me as a frightful spectre, so that there was no looking behind me.

But as poverty brought me into it, so fear of poverty kept me in it, and I frequently resolved to leave it quite off, if I could but come to lay up money enough to maintain me. But these were thoughts of no weight, and whenever he came to me they vanished; for his company was so delightful, that there was no being melancholy when he was there; the reflections were all the subject of those hours when I was alone.

I lived six years in this happy but unhappy condition, in which time I brought him three children, but only the first of them lived; and though I removed twice in those six years, yet I came back the sixth year to my first lodgings at Hammersmith.

Here it was that I was one morning surprised with a kind but melancholy letter from my gentleman, intimating that he was very ill, and was afraid he should have another fit of sickness, but that his wife's relations being in the house with him, it would not be practicable to have me with him, which, however, he expressed his great dissatisfaction in, and that he wished Icould be allowed to tend and nurse him as I did before.

I was very much concerned at this account, and was very impatient to know how it was with him. I waited a fortnight or thereabouts, and heard nothing, which surprised me, and Ibegan to be very uneasy indeed. I think, I may say, that for the next fortnight I was near to distracted. It was my particular difficulty that I did not know directly when he was; for Iunderstood at first he was in the lodgings of his wife's mother;but having removed myself to London, I soon found, by the help of the direction I had for writing my letters to him, how to inquire after him, and there I found that he was at a house in Bloomsbury, whither he had, a little before he fell sick, removed his whole family; and that his wife and wife's mother were in the same house, though the wife was not suffered to know that she was in the same house with her husband.

Here I also soon understood that he was at the last extremity, which made me almost at the last extremity too, to have a true account. One night I had the curiosity to disguise myself like a servant-maid, in a round cap and straw hat, and went to the door, as sent by a lady of his neighbourhood, where he lived before, and giving master and mistress's service, I said I was sent to know how Mr. ---- did, and how he had rested that night.

In delivering this message I got the opportunity I desired; for, speaking with one of the maids, I held a long gossip's tale with her, and had all the particulars of his illness, which I found was a pleurisy, attended with a cough and a fever. She told me also who was in the house, and how his wife was, who, by her relation, they were in some hopes might recover her understanding;but as to the gentleman himself, in short she told me the doctors said there was very little hopes of him, that in the morning they thought he had been dying, and that he was but little better then, for they did not expect that he could live over the next night.

This was heavy news for me, and I began now to see an end of my prosperity, and to see also that it was very well I had played to good housewife, and secured or saved something while he was alive, for that now I had no view of my own living before me.

同类推荐
  • Steep Trails

    Steep Trails

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。
  • 前阴门

    前阴门

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。
  • 投子义青禅师语录

    投子义青禅师语录

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。
  • 焰罗王供行法次第

    焰罗王供行法次第

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。
  • 四月一日过江赴荆州

    四月一日过江赴荆州

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。
热门推荐
  • 浦阳人物记

    浦阳人物记

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。
  • 词品

    词品

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。
  • 掏宝记

    掏宝记

    韦索,韦小宝第N代子孙。四十二章经依旧,皇家宝藏依旧。因暧昧无邪获得万能淘宝系统,于是展开新的都市寻宝历程。七个老婆在前方等待,哪个是你心中的双儿?还记得刁蛮的建宁公主吗?更有成熟的龙儿。。。。七段缠绵的爱恋,多段不同的情仇。试想老鸨养母变成了婚姻招待所的好色老爸,当日反清复明的天地会变成了???古代与现代的冲击,让你感受不一样的都市暧昧文。
  • 佛说阿难七梦经

    佛说阿难七梦经

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。
  • 好句好段大全集(优秀小学生必读)

    好句好段大全集(优秀小学生必读)

    本书针对小学生作文中最常见的内容,将精彩的好句子好段落进行科学、系统地归纳,既为小学生进行写作实践提供急需的素材,又助其在借鉴经典句段中升华思想;既为其寻找到了一位常伴身旁的良师益友,又能激发其创新灵感,进入迷人的作文世界。
  • 丑嫡

    丑嫡

    玫家丑女,嫁人后孤老一生……死后重生,得了个遍是药草灵泉的空间,看她如何丑女变美女,再斗狠毒后娘,让她爱的人不再惨死!那个俊美的男人又是怎么回事?我丑着呢!离我远点儿!
  • 都城记胜

    都城记胜

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。
  • 人造人锦诺

    人造人锦诺

    和她分手之初真让人痛不欲生。洁提出分手的原因是我太关注自己了,言外之意是我太自私了。现在想想,自己的确真的不够关心洁。
  • 外星入侵

    外星入侵

    他叫陆潇,一个平凡普通的少年。他过着平凡的生活,但却在某一天,一场事故改变了他的一生——成为拯救者,保护地球和平。平凡的少年走上不平凡的救世主路,而星之海学院处处透露着神秘——超乎想象的课程、神秘的学长、疯狂的教官……陆潇刚进入学院就遭遇无数怪事——升级赛、星魂考验、地球往事、外星入侵……
  • 辣妻追夫:秦少慢点走

    辣妻追夫:秦少慢点走

    识人不清,为了渣男不惜忤逆父亲,拒绝安排好的好婚事。以为是幸福美满,缺遭渣男贱女陷害,最后落得个家破人亡的凄惨下场。苍天有眼,让她一朝重生,步步为营只为复仇。主动结盟金龟婿,可是……说好的相敬如宾,那个夜夜痴缠,折腾的她下不来床的男人是谁?