Who among my readers (and I am tempted to believe they are all more sensible than the above young woman) has not, during a summer passed with agreeable friends, made a thousand pleasant little plans with them for the ensuing winter, - the books they were to read at the same time, the "exhibitions" they were to see, the visits to our wonderful collections in the Metropolitan Museum or private galleries, cosy little dinners, etc.? And who has not found, as the winter slips away, that few of these charming plans have been carried out? He and his friends have unconsciously fallen back into their ruts of former years, and the pleasant things projected have been brushed aside by that strongest of tyrants, habit.
I once asked a very great lady, whose gracious manner was never disturbed, who floated through the endless complications of her life with smiling serenity, how she achieved this Olympian calm.
She was good enough to explain."I make a list of what I want to do each day.Then, as I find my day passing, or I get behind, or tired, I throw over every other engagement.I could have done them all with hurry and fatigue.I prefer to do one-half and enjoy what I do.If I go to a house, it is to remain and appreciate whatever entertainment has been prepared for me.I never offer to any hostess the slight of a hurried, DISTRAIT 'call,' with glances at my watch, and an 'on-the-wing' manner.It is much easier not to go, or to send a card."This brings me around to a subject which I believe is one of the causes of my correspondent's dilemma.I fear that she never can refuse anything.It is a peculiar trait of people who go about to amuse themselves, that they are always sure the particular entertainment they have been asked to last is going to "be amusing." It rarely is different from the others, but these people are convinced, that to stay away would be to miss something.Aweary-looking girl about 1 A.M.(at a house-party) when asked why she did not go to bed if she was so tired, answered, "the nights Igo to bed early, they always seem to do something jolly, and then Imiss it."
There is no greater proof of how much this weary round wears on women than the acts of the few who feel themselves strong enough in their position to defy custom.They have thrown off the yoke (at least the younger ones have) doubtless backed up by their husbands, for men are much quicker to see the aimlessness of this stupid social routine.First they broke down the great New-Year-call "grind." Men over forty doubtless recall with a shudder, that awful custom which compelled a man to get into his dress clothes at ten A.M., and pass his day rushing about from house to house like a postman.Out-of-town clubs and sport helped to do away with that remnant of New Amsterdam.Next came the male revolt from the afternoon "tea" or "musical." A black coat is rare now at either of these functions, or if seen is pretty sure to be on a back over fifty.Next, we lords of creation refused to call at all, or leave our cards.A married woman now leaves her husband's card with her own, and sisters leave the "pasteboard" of their brothers and often those of their brothers' friends.Any combination is good enough to "shoot a card."In London the men have gone a step further.It is not uncommon to hear a young man boast that he never owned a visiting card or made a "duty" call in his life.Neither there nor with us does a man count as a "call" a quiet cup of tea with a woman he likes, and a cigarette and quiet talk until dressing time.Let the young women have courage and take matters into their own hands.(The older ones are hopeless and will go on pushing this Juggernaut car over each other's weary bodies, until the end of the chapter.) Let them have the courage occasionally to "refuse" something, to keep themselves free from aimless engagements, and bring this paste-board war to a close.If a woman is attractive, she will be asked out all the same, never fear! If she is not popular, the few dozen of "egg-shell extra" that she can manage to slip in at the front doors of her acquaintances will not help her much.
If this matter is, however, so vastly important in women's eyes, why not adopt the continental and diplomatic custom and send cards by post or otherwise? There, if a new-comer dines out and meets twenty-five people for the first time, cards must be left the next day at their twenty-five respective residences.How the cards get there is of no importance.It is a diplomatic fiction that the new acquaintance has called in person, and the call will be returned within twenty-four hours.Think of the saving of time and strength! In Paris, on New Year's Day, people send cards by post to everybody they wish to keep up.That does for a year, and no more is thought about it.All the time thus gained can be given to culture or recreation.
I have often wondered why one sees so few women one knows at our picture exhibitions or flower shows.It is no longer a mystery to me.They are all busy trotting up and down our long side streets leaving cards.Hideous vision! Should Dante by any chance reincarnate, he would find here the material ready made to his hand for an eighth circle in his INFERNO.
