Next morning I rose with the dawn, and having dressed myself and stood half-an-hour, my elbow leaning on the chest of drawers, considering what means I should adoptto restore my spirits, fagged with sleeplessness, to their ordinarytone—for I had no intention of getting up a scene with M.Pelet, reproaching him with perfidy, sending him a challenge, or performing other gambadoes of the sort—I hit at last on the expedient of walking out in the cool of the morning to a neighbouring establishment of baths, and treating myself to a bracing plunge.The remedy produced the desired effect.I came back at seven o’clock steadied and invigorated, and was able to greet M.Pelet, when he entered to breakfast, with an unchanged and tranquil countenance; even a cordial offering of the hand and the flattering appellation of “mon fils,” pronounced in that caressing tone with which Monsieur had, of late days especially, been accustomed to address me, did not elicit any external sign of the feeling which, though subdued, still glowed at my heart.Not that I nursed vengeance—no; but the sense of insult and treachery lived in me like a kindling, though as yet smothered coal.God knows I am not by nature vindictive; I would not hurt a man because I can no longer trust or like him; but neither my reason nor feelings are of the vacillating order—they are not of that sand- like sort where impressions, if soon made, are as soon effaced.Once convinced that my friend’s disposition is incompatible with my own, once assured that he is indelibly stained with certain defects obnoxious to my principles, and I dissolve the connection.
I did so with Edward.As to Pelet, the discovery was yet new; should I act thus with him? It was the question I placed before my mind as I stirred my cup of coffee with a half-pistolet (we never had spoons), Pelet meantime being seated opposite, his pallid face looking as knowing and more haggard than usual, his blue eye turned, now sternly on his boys and ushers, and now graciously on me.
“Circumstances must guide me,” said I; and meeting Pelet’s false glance and insinuating smile, I thanked heaven that I had last night opened my window and read by the light of a full moon the true meaning of that guileful countenance.I felt half his master, because the reality of his nature was now known to me; smile and flatter as he would, I saw his soul lurk behind his smile, and heard in every one of his smooth phrases a voice interpreting their treacherous import.
But Zora?de Reuter? Of course her defection had cut me to thequick? That stint; must have gone too deep for any consolations of philosophy to be available in curing its smart? Not at all.The night fever over, I looked about for balm to that wound also, and found some nearer home than at Gilead.Reason was my physician; she began by proving that the prize I had missed was of little value: she admitted that, physically, Zora?de might have suited me, but affirmed that our souls were not in harmony, and that discord must have resulted from the union of her mind with mine.She then insisted on the suppression of all repining, and commanded me rather to rejoice that I had escaped a snare.Her medicament did me good.I felt its strengthening effect when I met the directress the next day; its stringent operation on the nerves suffered no trembling, no faltering; it enabled me to face her withfirmness, to pass her with ease.She had held out her hand to me— that I did not choose to see.She had greeted me with a charming smile—it fell on my heart like light on stone.I passed on to the estrade, she followed me; her eye, fastened on my face, demanded of every feature the meaning of my changed and careless manner.“I will give her an answer,” thought I; and, meeting her gaze full, arresting, fixing her glance, I shot into her eyes, from my own, a look, where there was no respect, no love, no tenderness, no gallantry; where the strictest analysis could detect nothing but scorn, hardihood, irony.I made her bear it, and feel it; her steady countenance did not change, but her colour rose, and she approached me as if fascinated.She stepped on to the estrade, and stood close by my side; she had nothing to say.I would not relieve her embarrassment, and negligently turned over the leaves of a book.
“I hope you feel quite recovered to-day,” at last she said, in alow tone.
“And I, mademoiselle, hope that you took no cold last night in consequence of your late walk in the garden.”
