"There is Jim Lokendamper.He has a bad heart.I heard him, only last week, right here before you all, tell his soul.He did not tell all his soul, and he lied to God.I am not lying to God.It is a big telling, but I am telling everything.Now Azalea Akau, sitting right over there, is his wife.But Lizzie Lokendamper is his married wife.A long time ago hehad the great aloha for Azalea.You think her uncle, who went to California and died, left her by will that two thousand five hundred dollars she got.Her uncle did not.I know.Her uncle cried broke in California, and Jim Lokendamper sent eighty dollars to California to bury him.Jim Lokendamper had a piece of land in Kohala he got from his mother's aunt.Lizzie, his married wife, did not know this.So he sold it to the Kohala Ditch Company and wave the twenty-five hundred to Azalea Akau--"Here, Lizzie, the married wife, upstood like a fury long-thwarted, and, in lieu of her husband, already fled, flung herself tooth and nail on Azalea."Wait, Lizzie Lokendamper!" Alice cried out."I have much weightof you on my heart and some house-paint too..."And when she had finished her disclosure of how Lizzie had painted her house, Azalea was up and raging.
"Wait, Azalea Akau.I shall now lighten my heart about you.And it is not house-paint.Jim always paid that.It is your new bath- tub and modern plumbing that is heavy on me..."Worse, much worse, about many and sundry, did Alice Akana have to say, cutting high in business, financial, and social life, as well as low.None was too high nor too low to escape; and not until two in the morning, before an entranced audience that packed the tabernacle to the doors, did she complete her recital of the personal and detailed iniquities she knew of the community in which she had lived intimately all her days.Just as she was finishing, she remembered more.
"Huh!" she sniffed."I gave last week one lot worth eight hundred dollars cash market price to Abel Ah Yo to pay running expenses and add up in Peter's books in heaven.Where did I get that lot? You all think Mr.Fleming Jason is a good man.He is more crooked than the entrance was to Pearl Lochs before the United States Government straightened the channel.He has liver disease now; but his sickness is a judgment of God, and he will die crooked.Mr.Fleming Jason gave me that lot twenty-two years ago, when its cash market price was thirty-five dollars.Because his aloha for me was big? No.He never had aloha inside of him except for dollars.
"You listen.Mr.Fleming Jason put a great sin upon me.When Frank Lomiloli was at my house, full of gin, for which gin Mr.Fleming Jason paid me in advance five times over, I got Frank Lomiloli to sign his name to the sale paper of his town land for one hundred dollars.It was worth six hundred then.It is worth twenty thousand now.Maybe you want to know where that town land is.I will tell you and remove it off my heart.It is on King Street, where is now the Come Again Saloon, the Japanese Taxicab Company garage, the Smith & Wilson plumbing shop, and the Ambrosia lee Cream Parlours, with the two more stories big Addison Lodging House overhead.And it is all wood, and always has been well painted.Yesterday they started painting it attain.But that paint will not stand between me and God.There are no more paint pots between me and my path to heaven."The morning and evening papers of the day following held an unholy hush on the greatest news story of years; but Honolulu was half a- giggle and half aghast at the whispered reports, not always basely exaggerated, that circulated wherever two Honoluluans chanced to meet.
"Our mistake," said Colonel Chilton, at the club, "was that we did not, at the very first, appoint a committee of safety to keep track of Alice's soul."Bob Cristy, one of the younger islanders, burst into laughter, so pointed and so loud that the meaning of it was demanded.
"Oh, nothing much," was his reply."But I heard, on my way here, that old John Ward had just been run in for drunken and disorderly conduct and for resisting an officer.Now Abel Ah Yo fine- toothcombs the police court.He loves nothing better than soul- snatching a chronic drunkard."Colonel Chilton looked at Lask Finneston, and both looked at Gary Wilkinson.He returned to them a similar look.
"The old beachcomber!" Lask Finneston cried."The drunken old reprobate! I'd forgotten he was alive.Wonderful constitution.Never drew a sober breath except when he was shipwrecked, and, when I remember him, into every deviltry afloat.He must be going on eighty." "He isn't far away from it," Bob Cristy nodded."Still beach- combs,drinks when he gets the price, and keeps all his senses, though he's not spry and has to use glasses when he reads.And his memory is perfect.Now if Abel Ah Yo catches him..."Gary Wilkinson cleared his throat preliminary to speech.
"Now there's a grand old man," he said."A left-over from a forgotten age.Few of his type remain.A pioneer.A true kamaaina" (old-timer)."Helpless and in the hands of the police in his old age! We should do something for him in recognition of his yeoman work in Hawaii.His old home, I happen to know, is Sag Harbour.He hasn't seen it for over half a century.Now why shouldn't he be surprised to-morrow morning by having his fine paid, and by being presented with return tickets to Sag Harbour, and, say, expenses for a year's trip? I move a committee.I appoint Colonel Chilton, Lask Finneston, and...and myself.As for chairman, who more appropriate than Lask Finneston, who knew the old gentleman so well in the early days? Since there is no objection, I hereby appoint Lask Finneston chairman of the committee for the purpose of raising and donating money to pay the police-court fine and the expenses of a year's travel for that noble pioneer, John Ward, in recognition of a lifetime of devotion of energy to the upbuilding of Hawaii."There was no dissent.
"The committee will now go into secret session," said Lask Finneston, arising and indicating the way to the library.
GLEN ELLEN, CALIFORNIA, August 30, 1916.
