"But here you see that it is that in my case, the fundamental incompatibility between one's affections and one's wider conception of duty and work comes in.We cannot change social institutions in a year or a lifetime.We can never change them to suit an individual case.That would be like suspending the laws of gravitation in order to move a piano.
As things are, Martin is no good to me, no help to me.She is a rival to my duty.She feels that.She is hostile to my duty.A definite antagonism has developed.She feels and treats fuel--and everything to do with fuel as a bore.It is an attack.We quarrel on that.It isn't as though I found it so easy to stick to my work that I could disregard her hostility.And I can't bear to part from her.I threaten it, distress her excessively and then I am overcome by sympathy for her and I go back to her....In the ordinary course of things I should be with her now.""If it were not for the carbuncle?"
"If it were not for the carbuncle.She does not care for me to see her disfigured.She does not understand--" Sir Richmond was at a loss for a phrase--"that it is not her good looks.""She won't let you go to her?"
"It amounts to that....And soon there will be all the trouble about educating the girl.Whatever happens, she must have as good a chance as--anyone....""Ah! That is worrying you too!"
"Frightfully at times.If it were a boy it would be easier.
It needs constant tact and dexterity to fix things up.
Neither of us have any.It needs attention...."Sir Richmond mused darkly.
Dr.Martineau thought aloud."An incompetent delightful person with Martin Leeds's sense of humour.And her powers of expression.She must be attractive to many people.She could probably do without you.If once you parted."Sir Richmond turned on him eagerly.
"You think I ought to part from her? On her account?""On her account.It might pain her.But once the thing was done--""I want to part.I believe I ought to part.""Well?"
"But then my affection comes in."
"That extraordinary--TENDERNESS of yours?""I'm afraid."
"Of what?"
"Anyone might get hold of her--if I let her down.She hasn't a tithe of the ordinary coolheaded calculation of an average woman....I've a duty to her genius.I've got to take care of her."To which the doctor made no reply.
"Nevertheless the idea of parting has been very much in my mind lately.""Letting her go FREE?"
"You can put it in that way if you like.""It might not be a fatal operation for either of you.""And yet there are moods when parting is an intolerable idea.
When one is invaded by a flood of affection."....And old habits of association."Dr.Martineau thought.Was that the right word,--affection?
Perhaps it was.
They had come out on the towing path close by the lock and they found themselves threading their way through a little crowd of boating people and lookers-on.For a time their conversation was broken.Sir Richmond resumed it.
"But this is where we cease to be Man on his Planet and all the rest of it.This is where the idea of a definite task, fanatically followed to the exclusion of all minor considerations, breaks down.When the work is good, when we are sure we are all right, then we may carry off things with a high hand.But the work isn't always good, we aren't always sure.We blunder, we make a muddle, we are fatigued.Then the sacrificed affections come in as accusers.Then it is that we want to be reassured.""And then it is that Miss Martin Leeds--?""Doesn't," Sir Richmond snapped.
Came a long pause.
"And yet--
"It is extraordinarily difficult to think of parting from Martin."Section 3
In the evening after dinner Dr.Martineau sought, rather unsuccessfully, to go on with the analysis of Sir Richmond.
But Sir Richmond was evidently a creature of moods.Either he regretted the extent of his confidences or the slight irrational irritation that he felt at waiting for his car affected his attitude towards his companion, or Dr.
Martineau's tentatives were ill-chosen.At any rate he would not rise to any conversational bait that the doctor could devise.The doctor found this the more regrettable because it seemed to him that there was much to be worked upon in this Martin Leeds affair.He was inclined to think that she and Sir Richmond were unduly obsessed by the idea that they had to stick together because of the child, because of the look of the thing and so forth, and that really each might be struggling against a very strong impulse indeed to break off the affair.It seemed evident to the doctor that they jarred upon and annoyed each other extremely.On the whole separating people appealed to a doctor's mind more strongly than bringing them together.Accordingly he framed his enquiries so as to make the revelation of a latent antipathy as easy as possible.
He made several not very well-devised beginnings.At the fifth Sir Richmond was suddenly conclusive."It's no use," he said, "I can't fiddle about any more with my motives to-day."An awkward silence followed.On reflection Sir Richmond seemed to realize that this sentence needed some apology."Iadmit," he said, "that this expedition has already been a wonderfully good thing for me.These confessions have made me look into all sorts of things-squarely.But--"I'm not used to talking about myself or even thinking directly about myself.What I say, I afterwards find disconcerting to recall.I want to alter it.I can feel myself wallowing into a mess of modifications and qualifications.""Yes, but--"
"I want a rest anyhow...."
There was nothing for Dr.Martineau to say to that.
