The servant returned to tell her the horses were put to; she made no answer.Her people perceiving she forgot herself, came to tell her it was two o'clock."There is yet no hurry," replied the princess, still reading on.Some time afterwards her watch having stopped, she rang to know the hour.She was told it was four o'clock."That being the case," she said, "it is too late to go to the ball; let the horses be taken off." She undressed herself and passed the rest of the night in reading.
* It was not the princess, but some other lady, whose name I do not know, but I have been assured of the fact.
Ever since I came to the knowledge of this circumstance, I have had a constant desire to see the lady, not only to know from herself whether or not what I have related be exactly true, but because I have always thought it impossible to be interested in so lively a manner in the happiness of Julia, without having that sixth and moral sense with which so few hearts are endowed, and without which no person whatever can understand the sentiments of mine.
What rendered the women so favorable to me was, their being persuaded that I had written my own history, and was myself the hero of the romance.This opinion was so firmly established that Madam de Polignac wrote to Madam de Verdelin, begging she would prevail upon me to show her the portrait of Julia.Everybody thought it was impossible so strongly to express sentiments without having felt them, or thus to describe the transports of love, unless immediately from the feelings of the heart.This was true, and I certainly wrote the novel during the time my imagination was inflamed to ecstasy; but they who thought real objects necessary to this effect were deceived, and far from conceiving to what a degree I can at will produce it for imaginary beings.Without Madam d'Houdetot, and the recollection of a few circumstances in my youth, the amours I have felt and described would have been with fairy nymphs.I was unwilling either to confirm or destroy an error which was advantageous to me.The reader may see in the preface a dialogue, which I had printed separately, in what manner I left the public in suspense.Rigorous people say, Iought to have explicitly declared the truth.For my part I see no reason for this, nor anything that could oblige me to it, and am of opinion there would have been more folly than candor in the declaration without necessity.
Much about the same time the Paix Perpetuelle* made its appearance, of this I had the year before given the manuscript to a certain M.de Bastide, the author of a journal called Le Monde,*(2)into which he would at all events cram all my manuscripts.He was known to M.Duclos, and came in his name to beg I would help him to fill the Monde.He had heard speak of Julie, and would have me put this into his journal; he was also desirous of making the same use of Emile; he would have asked me for the Contrat Social, for the same purpose, had he suspected it to be written.At length, fatigued with his importunities, I resolved upon letting him have the Paix Perpetuelle, which I gave him for twelve louis.Our agreement was, that he should print it in his journal; but as soon as he became the proprietor of the manuscript, he thought proper to print it separately, with a few retrenchments, which the censor required him to make.What would have happened had I joined to the work my opinion of it, which fortunately I did not communicate to M.de Bastide, nor was it comprehended in our agreement? This remains still in manuscript amongst my papers.If ever it be made public, the world will see how much the pleasantries and self-sufficient manner of M.de Voltaire on the subject must have made me, who was so well acquainted with the short-sightedness of this poor man in political matters, of which he took it into his head to speak, shake my sides with laughter.
* Perpetual Peace.
*(2) The World.
In the midst of my success with the women and the public, I felt Ilost ground at the Hotel de Luxembourg, not with the marechal, whose goodness to me seemed daily to increase, but with his lady.Since Ihad had nothing more to read to her, the door of her apartment was not so frequently open to me, and during her stay at Montmorency, although I regularly presented myself, I seldom saw her except at table.My place even there was not distinctly marked out as usual.As she no longer offered me that by her side, and spoke to me but seldom, not having on my part much to say to her, I was as well satisfied with another, where I was more at my ease, especially in the evening; for Imechanically contracted the habit of placing myself nearer and nearer to the marechal.
Apropos of the evening: I recollect having said I did not sup at the castle, and this was true, at the beginning of my acquaintance there; but as M.de Luxembourg did not dine, nor even sit down to table, it happened that I was for several months, and already very familiar in the family, without ever having eaten with him.This he had the goodness to remark upon, when I determined to sup there from time to time, when the company was not numerous; I did so, and found the suppers very agreeable, as the dinners were taken almost standing;whereas the former were long, everybody remaining seated with pleasure after a long walk; and very good and agreeable, because M.de Luxembourg loved good eating, and the honors of them were done in a charming manner by madam la marechale.Without this explanation it would be difficult to understand the end of a letter from M.de Luxembourg, in which he says he recollects our walks with the greatest pleasure; especially, adds he, when in the evening we entered the court and did not find there the traces of carriages.The rake being every morning drawn over the gravel to efface the marks left by the coach wheels, I judged by the number of ruts of that of the persons who had arrived in the afternoon.
