You had made your own choice.It was not forced on you.
Your wife has a claim to your politeness, to your respect, at least.She must be attached to you, or she would not have married you.To treat her with unkindness, to speak of her slightingly is no atonement to Marianne--nor can Isuppose it a relief to your own conscience.""Do not talk to me of my wife," said he with a heavy sigh.--"She does not deserve your compassion.--She knew I had no regard for her when we married.--Well, married we were, and came down to Combe Magna to be happy, and afterwards returned to town to be gay.--And now do you pity me, Miss Dashwood?--or have I said all this to no purpose?--Am I--be it only one degree--am I less guilty in your opinion than I was before?--My intentions were not always wrong.
Have I explained away any part of my guilt?""Yes, you have certainly removed something--a little.--You have proved yourself, on the whole, less faulty than Ihad believed you.You have proved your heart less wicked, much less wicked.But I hardly know--the misery that you have inflicted--I hardly know what could have made it worse.""Will you repeat to your sister when she is recovered, what I have been telling you?--Let me be a little lightened too in her opinion as well as in yours.You tell me that she has forgiven me already.Let me be able to fancy that a better knowledge of my heart, and of my present feelings, will draw from her a more spontaneous, more natural, more gentle, less dignified, forgiveness.Tell her of my misery and my penitence--tell her that my heart was never inconstant to her, and if you will, that at this moment she is dearer to me than ever.""I will tell her all that is necessary to what may comparatively be called, your justification.But you have not explained to me the particular reason of your coming now, nor how you heard of her illness.""Last night, in Drury Lane lobby, I ran against Sir John Middleton, and when he saw who I was--for the first time these two months--he spoke to me.--That he had cut me ever since my marriage, I had seen without surprise or resentment.Now, however, his good-natured, honest, stupid soul, full of indignation against me, and concern for your sister, could not resist the temptation of telling me what he knew ought to--though probably he did not think it WOULD--vex me horridly.As bluntly as he could speak it, therefore, he told me that Marianne Dashwood was dying of a putrid fever at Cleveland--a letter that morning received from Mrs.Jennings declared her danger most imminent--the Palmers are all gone off in a fright, &c.--I was too much shocked to be able to pass myself off as insensible even to the undiscerning Sir John.
