Another part of the Park. Enter FALSTAFF disguised as Herne FALSTAFF The Windsor bell hath struck twelve; the minute draws on. Now, the hot-blooded gods assist me!
Remember, Jove, thou wast a bull for thy Europa;love set on thy horns. O powerful love! that, in some respects, makes a beast a man, in some other, a man a beast. You were also, Jupiter, a swan for the love of Leda. O omnipotent Love! how near the god drew to the complexion of a goose! A fault done first in the form of a beast. O Jove, a beastly fault! And then another fault in the semblance of a fowl;think on 't, Jove; a foul fault! When gods have hot backs, what shall poor men do? For me, I am here a Windsor stag; and the fattest, I think, i' the forest. Send me a cool rut-time, Jove, or who can blame me to piss my tallow? Who comes here? my doe?
Enter MISTRESS FORD and MISTRESS PAGE MISTRESS FORD Sir John! art thou there, my deer? my male deer? FALSTAFF My doe with the black scut! Let the sky rain potatoes; let it thunder to the tune of Green Sleeves, hail kissing-comfits and snow eringoes;let there come a tempest of provocation, I will shelter me here. MISTRESS FORD Mistress Page is come with me, sweetheart. FALSTAFF Divide me like a bribe buck, each a haunch:
I will keep my sides to myself, my shoulders for the fellow of this walk, and my horns I bequeath your husbands.
Am I a woodman, ha? Speak I like Herne the hunter?
Why, now is Cupid a child of conscience; he makes restitution. As I am a true spirit, welcome!
Noise within MISTRESS PAGE Alas, what noise? MISTRESS FORD Heaven forgive our sins FALSTAFF What should this be? MISTRESS FORD MISTRESSPAGE Away, away!
They run off FALSTAFF I think the devil will not have me damned, lest the oil that's in me should set hell on fire; he would never else cross me thus.
Enter SIR HUGH EVANS, disguised as before; PISTOL, as Hobgoblin;MISTRESS QUICKLY, ANNE PAGE, and others, as Fairies, with tapers MISTRESS QUICKLY Fairies, black, grey, green, and white, You moonshine revellers and shades of night, You orphan heirs of fixed destiny, Attend your office and your quality.
Crier Hobgoblin, make the fairy oyes. PISTOL Elves, list your names; silence, you airy toys.
Cricket, to Windsor chimneys shalt thou leap:
Where fires thou find'st unraked and hearths unswept, There pinch the maids as blue as bilberry:
Our radiant queen hates sluts and sluttery. FALSTAFF They are fairies; he that speaks to them shall die:
I'll wink and couch: no man their works must eye.
Lies down upon his face SIR HUGH EVANS Where's Bede? Go you, and where you find a maid That, ere she sleep, has thrice her prayers said, Raise up the organs of her fantasy;Sleep she as sound as careless infancy:
But those as sleep and think not on their sins, Pinch them, arms, legs, backs, shoulders, sides and shins. MISTRESS QUICKLY About, about;Search Windsor Castle, elves, within and out:
Strew good luck, ouphes, on every sacred room:
That it may stand till the perpetual doom, In state as wholesome as in state 'tis fit, Worthy the owner, and the owner it.
The several chairs of order look you scour With juice of balm and every precious flower:
Each fair instalment, coat, and several crest, With loyal blazon, evermore be blest!
And nightly, meadow-fairies, look you sing, Like to the Garter's compass, in a ring:
The expressure that it bears, green let it be, More fertile-fresh than all the field to see;And 'Honi soit qui mal y pense' write In emerald tufts, flowers purple, blue and white;Let sapphire, pearl and rich embroidery, Buckled below fair knighthood's bending knee:
Fairies use flowers for their charactery.
Away; disperse: but till 'tis one o'clock, Our dance of custom round about the oak Of Herne the hunter, let us not forget. SIR HUGH EVANS Pray you, lock hand in hand; yourselves in order set And twenty glow-worms shall our lanterns be, To guide our measure round about the tree.
But, stay; I smell a man of middle-earth. FALSTAFF Heavens defend me from that Welsh fairy, lest he transform me to a piece of cheese! PISTOL Vile worm, thou wast o'erlook'd even in thy birth. MISTRESS QUICKLY With trial-fire touch me his finger-end:
If he be chaste, the flame will back descend And turn him to no pain; but if he start, It is the flesh of a corrupted heart. PISTOL A trial, come. SIR HUGH EVANS Come, will this wood take fire?
They burn him with their tapers FALSTAFF Oh, Oh, Oh! MISTRESS QUICKLY Corrupt, corrupt, and tainted in desire!
About him, fairies; sing a scornful rhyme;And, as you trip, still pinch him to your time.
SONG.
Fie on sinful fantasy!
Fie on lust and luxury!
Lust is but a bloody fire, Kindled with unchaste desire, Fed in heart, whose flames aspire As thoughts do blow them, higher and higher.
Pinch him, fairies, mutually;
Pinch him for his villany;
Pinch him, and burn him, and turn him about, Till candles and starlight and moonshine be out.
During this song they pinch FALSTAFF. DOCTOR CAIUS comes one way, and steals away a boy in green; SLENDER another way, and takes off a boy in white; and FENTON comes and steals away ANN PAGE. A noise of hunting is heard within. All the Fairies run away. FALSTAFF pulls off his buck's head, and rises Enter PAGE, FORD, MISTRESS PAGE, and MISTRESS FORD PAGE Nay, do not fly; I think we have watch'd you now Will none but Herne the hunter serve your turn? MISTRESS PAGE I pray you, come, hold up the jest no higher Now, good Sir John, how like you Windsor wives?
