Many months after the re-establishment of peace and order, and evenwhen it had ceased to be the town-talk, that every militaryofficer, kept at free quarters by the City during the late alarms,had cost for his board and lodging four pounds four per day, andevery private soldier two and twopence halfpenny; many months aftereven this engrossing topic was forgotten, and the United Bulldogswere to a man all killed, imprisoned, or transported, Mr SimonTappertit, being removed from a hospital to prison, and thence tohis place of trial, was discharged by proclamation, on two woodenlegs. Shorn of his graceful limbs, and brought down from his highestate to circumstances of utter destitution, and the deepest misery, he made shift to stump back to his old master, and beg forsome relief. By the locksmith"s advice and aid, he was establishedin business as a shoeblack, and opened shop under an archway nearthe Horse Guards. This being a central quarter, he quickly made avery large connection; and on levee days, was sometimes known tohave as many as twenty half-pay officers waiting their turn forpolishing. Indeed his trade increased to that extent, that incourse of time he entertained no less than two apprentices, besidestaking for his wife the widow of an eminent bone and rag collector,formerly of MilIbank. With this lady (who assisted in thebusiness) he lived in great domestic happiness, only chequered bythose little storms which serve to clear the atmosphere of wedlock,and brighten its horizon. In some of these gusts of bad weather,Mr Tappertit would, in the assertion of his prerogative, so farforget himself, as to correct his lady with a brush, or boot, orshoe; while she (but only in extreme cases) would retaliate bytaking off his legs, and leaving him exposed to the derision ofthose urchins who delight in mischief.
Miss Miggs, baffled in all her schemes, matrimonial and otherwise,and cast upon a thankless, undeserving world, turned very sharp andsour; and did at length become so acid, and did so pinch and slapand tweak the hair and noses of the youth of Golden Lion Court, that she was by one consent expelled that sanctuary, and desired tobless some other spot of earth, in preference. It chanced at thatmoment, that the justices of the peace for Middlesex proclaimed bypublic placard that they stood in need of a female turnkey for theCounty Bridewell, and appointed a day and hour for the inspectionof candidates. Miss Miggs attending at the time appointed, wasinstantly chosen and selected from one hundred and twenty-fourcompetitors, and at once promoted to the office; which she helduntil her decease, more than thirty years afterwards, remainingsingle all that time. It was observed of this lady that while shewas inflexible and grim to all her female flock, she wasparticularly so to those who could establish any claim to beauty:
and it was often remarked as a proof of her indomitable virtue andsevere chastity, that to such as had been frail she showed nomercy; always falling upon them on the slightest occasion, or on nooccasion at all, with the fullest measure of her wrath. Amongother useful inventions which she practised upon this class ofoffenders and bequeathed to posterity, was the art of inflicting anexquisitely vicious poke or dig with the wards of a key in thesmall of the back, near the spine. She likewise originated a modeof treading by accident (in pattens) on such as had small feet;also very remarkable for its ingenuity, and previously quiteunknown.
It was not very long, you may be sure, before Joe Willet and DollyVarden were made husband and wife, and with a handsome sum in bank(for the locksmith could afford to give his daughter a good dowry),reopened the Maypole. It was not very long, you may be sure,before a red-faced little boy was seen staggering about the Maypolepassage, and kicking up his heels on the green before the door. Itwas not very long, counting by years, before there was a red-facedlittle girl, another red-faced little boy, and a whole troop ofgirls and boys: so that, go to Chigwell when you would, there wouldsurely be seen, either in the village street, or on the green, orfrolicking in the farm-yard--for it was a farm now, as well as atavern--more small Joes and small Dollys than could be easilycounted. It was not a very long time before these appearancesensued; but it WAS a VERY long time before Joe looked five yearsolder, or Dolly either, or the locksmith either, or his wifeeither: for cheerfulness and content are great beautifiers, andare famous preservers of youthful looks, depend upon it.
