登陆注册
19657100000103

第103章 CHAPTER III THE TWO WOMEN(32)

All before me was now chaos. Madeleine hated me, without considering whether I was the cause or the victim of these misfortunes. She might have hated us equally, her mother and me, had we been happy. Thus it was that the edifice of my happiness fell in ruins. I alone knew the life of that unknown, noble woman. I alone had entered every region of her soul; neither mother, father, husband, nor children had ever known her.--Strange truth! I stir this heap of ashes and take pleasure in spreading them before you; all hearts may find something in them of their closest experience. How many families have had their Henriette!

How many noble feelings have left this earth with no historian to fathom their hearts, to measure the depth and breadth of their spirits. Such is human life in all its truth! Often mothers know their children as little as their children know them. So it is with husbands, lovers, brothers. Did I imagine that one day, beside my father's coffin, I should contend with my brother Charles, for whose advancement I had done so much? Good God! how many lessons in the simplest history.

When Madeleine disappeared into the house, I went away with a broken heart. Bidding farewell to my host at Sache, I started for Paris, following the right bank of the Indre, the one I had taken when Ientered the valley for the first time. Sadly I drove through the pretty village of Pont-de-Ruan. Yet I was rich, political life courted me; I was not the weary plodder of 1814. Then my heart was full of eager desires, now my eyes were full of tears; once my life was all before me to fill as I could, now I knew it to be a desert. I was still young,--only twenty-nine,--but my heart was withered. A few years had sufficed to despoil that landscape of its early glory, and to disgust me with life. You can imagine my feelings when, on turning round, I saw Madeleine on the terrace.

A prey to imperious sadness, I gave no thought to the end of my journey. Lady Dudley was far, indeed, from my mind, and I entered the courtyard of her house without reflection. The folly once committed, Iwas forced to carry it out. My habits were conjugal in her house, and I went upstairs thinking of the annoyances of a rupture. If you have fully understood the character and manners of Lady Dudley, you can imagine my discomfiture when her majordomo ushered me, still in my travelling dress, into a salon where I found her sumptuously dressed and surrounded by four persons. Lord Dudley, one of the most distinguished old statesmen of England, was standing with his back to the fireplace, stiff, haughty, frigid, with the sarcastic air he doubtless wore in parliament; he smiled when he heard my name.

Arabella's two children, who were amazingly like de Marsay (a natural son of the old lord), were near their mother; de Marsay himself was on the sofa beside her. As soon as Arabella saw me she assumed a distant air, and glanced at my travelling cap as if to ask what brought me there. She looked me over from head to foot, as though I were some country gentlemen just presented to her. As for our intimacy, that eternal passion, those vows of suicide if I ceased to love her, those visions of Armida, all had vanished like a dream. I had never clasped her hand; I was a stranger; she knew me not. In spite of the diplomatic self-possession to which I was gradually being trained, Iwas confounded; and all others in my place would have felt the same.

De Marsay smiled at his boots, which he examined with remarkable interest. I decided at once upon my course. From any other woman Ishould modestly have accepted my defeat; but, outraged at the glowing appearance of the heroine who had vowed to die for love, and who had scoffed at the woman who was really dead, I resolved to meet insolence with insolence. She knew very well the misfortunes of Lady Brandon; to remind her of them was to send a dagger to her heart, though the weapon might be blunted by the blow.

"Madame," I said, "I am sure you will pardon my unceremonious entrance, when I tell you that I have just arrived from Touraine, and that Lady Brandon has given me a message for you which allows of no delay. I feared you had already started for Lancashire, but as you are still in Paris I will await your orders at any hour you may be pleased to appoint."She bowed, and I left the room. Since that day I have only met her in society, where we exchange a friendly bow, and occasionally a sarcasm.

I talk to her of the inconsolable women of Lancashire; she makes allusion to Frenchwomen who dignify their gastric troubles by calling them despair. Thanks to her, I have a mortal enemy in de Marsay, of whom she is very fond. In return, I call her the wife of two generations.

So my disaster was complete; it lacked nothing. I followed the plan Ihad laid out for myself during my retreat at Sache; I plunged into work and gave myself wholly to science, literature, and politics. Ientered the diplomatic service on the accession of Charles X., who suppressed the employment I held under the late king. From that moment I was firmly resolved to pay no further attention to any woman, no matter how beautiful, witty, or loving she might be. This determination succeeded admirably; I obtained a really marvellous tranquillity of mind, and great powers of work, and I came to understand how much these women waste our lives, believing, all the while, that a few gracious words will repay us.

But--all my resolutions came to naught; you know how and why. Dear Natalie, in telling you my life, without reserve, without concealment, precisely as I tell it to myself, in relating to you feelings in which you have had no share, perhaps I have wounded some corner of your sensitive and jealous heart. But that which might anger a common woman will be to you--I feel sure of it--an additional reason for loving me.

Noble women have indeed a sublime mission to fulfil to suffering and sickened hearts,--the mission of the sister of charity who stanches the wound, of the mother who forgives a child. Artists and poets are not the only ones who suffer; men who work for their country, for the future destiny of the nations, enlarging thus the circle of their passions and their thoughts, often make for themselves a cruel solitude. They need a pure, devoted love beside them,--believe me, they understand its grandeur and its worth.

To-morrow I shall know if I have deceived myself in loving you.

Felix.

同类推荐
  • 北巡私记

    北巡私记

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。
  • 佛说禅行三十七品经

    佛说禅行三十七品经

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。
  • 伤寒审证表

    伤寒审证表

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • 长生指要篇

    长生指要篇

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。
  • 主术训

    主术训

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。
热门推荐
  • 悍妃天下,神秘王爷的嫡妃

    悍妃天下,神秘王爷的嫡妃

    【本文已签约出版】简介:未嫁先休再赐婚,她与他成为京中最大的笑柄,因为他们是绝配的废物组合!新婚大堂,宾客嘲笑。喜帕之下,她挑起红唇,素手翻转,瞬间便掐住那人的脖子,语气轻轻地说道:水至清则无鱼,人至贱则无敌!南阳候世子可还记得,今儿早上从你房中扔出的娈童尸体?战火连天,她被逼落大海。他指天发誓:她若不还,他屠尽天下人为她陪葬!——他是大燕国手握重兵的废物王爷,身残面毁性情阴郁!却无人得知,他身残之下拥有怎样强大的力量,他面毁之颜是何等卓绝!她是大燕国第一废物太师府千金,一张丑颜胸无点墨!世人却不知道在她废物的同时,手中握着庞大的消息来源,更无人得知她便是那天下间绝世的第一公子!——本文,女强,男强,强强联手!打小鬼,灭小强,夫妻同心振朝纲!妖妃完结文种田文:《霸气村妞,种个将军当相公》http://novel.hongxiu.com/a/757452/index.html新文《艳绝天下,王的蛇蝎毒后》http://novel.hongxiu.com/a/1188850/
  • 总裁的私有逃妻

    总裁的私有逃妻

    他们本应该是青梅竹马,相爱到老,可惜身份悬殊。排除万难,好不易你情我浓,他却成了她的杀父仇人。从此之后,咫尺天涯,他拼命追捕她,她却一次次逃离他的世界……她注定是他的私有逃妻。
  • 恋爱养成记之爱的后座力

    恋爱养成记之爱的后座力

    “传说二月十四日那天所有二十岁的女孩子碰到的第十四个男人就是……”一次稀里糊涂的大醉,第二天早晨醒来,翻过身子,却发现距离她的鼻子不到五厘米的地方躺着一个英俊的男孩,“天啊,这到底是怎么回事?”TOT,如果那天你能把我送回家,我现在依然是阳光美丽青春无敌美少女,可是现在……都是你害的……一场阴差阳错迫不得已的婚姻最终会以什么样的结尾收场?
  • 佛说大集法门经

    佛说大集法门经

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。
  • 美眷难囚:娘子不安分(大结局)
  • 神魔邪少

    神魔邪少

    一个二十世纪的富家子,好不容易拜个牛逼的师傅,好死不活的却穿了。穿就穿吧,却穿到个平行的异世,战火纷飞、美女如云......,我有功夫夫我怕谁,我有知识我怕谁,神魔怕不怕?怕!逼急了,我逆天!高高在上的皇帝,成为了他的忘年之交!依赖甚深!以国相托!美丽多情的老板娘,公主及大家闺秀,小家碧玉,以他为梦中情人,痴狂迷恋!大胆豪放的草原儿女,视他为草原上高飞的雄鹰,不落的太阳!水火不融的黑道帮会,尊他为黑道教父!俯首听命!共谋前途!一曲春江花月夜红遍大江南北,火锅连锁店引下了多少食客们的口水!神魔也来插一腿?好吧,我照单全收!逆天了行不!
  • 药帝神录

    药帝神录

    炼药成帝,帝之尊王。三道兼修,方可永生。丹者,可救世,亦可灭世。【十大境界:凡元境-灵元境-玄元境-妙元境-地元境-天元境-仙元境-神元境-圣君境-帝尊境。】【五小境界:前期-中期-后期-小圆满期-大圆满期。】
  • 校草的猫丫头

    校草的猫丫头

    超市无意间的触碰,两人便擦出了奇葩的火花儿,正是开学之际,大门口拥挤不堪,纯净的眼眸射向面前招蜂引蝶的货,第一次招惹了学院的风云人物,便引得无数粉丝围攻怒骂。你当真如此的玩弄我于掌心之中,你这般的虚情假意,又为什么还要唬弄我,骗取我的真心为你,你若欺凌我,我不会就此放弃,一定让你狠狠地先爱上我,之后心也渐渐沦陷下去……若喜欢请加Q群:178011638
  • 晨曦镇魂曲

    晨曦镇魂曲

    一个少年的身世竟然隐藏着如此大的使命,自小和爷爷一起长大的少年,究竟如何面对自己的命运呢?尽管遥远的路上充满危险,消弱的是刀锋,不灭的是意志。
  • 投错胎

    投错胎

    一个大清富户人家的富二代,他曾游手好闲!也曾花天酒地!