登陆注册
19657100000103

第103章 CHAPTER III THE TWO WOMEN(32)

All before me was now chaos. Madeleine hated me, without considering whether I was the cause or the victim of these misfortunes. She might have hated us equally, her mother and me, had we been happy. Thus it was that the edifice of my happiness fell in ruins. I alone knew the life of that unknown, noble woman. I alone had entered every region of her soul; neither mother, father, husband, nor children had ever known her.--Strange truth! I stir this heap of ashes and take pleasure in spreading them before you; all hearts may find something in them of their closest experience. How many families have had their Henriette!

How many noble feelings have left this earth with no historian to fathom their hearts, to measure the depth and breadth of their spirits. Such is human life in all its truth! Often mothers know their children as little as their children know them. So it is with husbands, lovers, brothers. Did I imagine that one day, beside my father's coffin, I should contend with my brother Charles, for whose advancement I had done so much? Good God! how many lessons in the simplest history.

When Madeleine disappeared into the house, I went away with a broken heart. Bidding farewell to my host at Sache, I started for Paris, following the right bank of the Indre, the one I had taken when Ientered the valley for the first time. Sadly I drove through the pretty village of Pont-de-Ruan. Yet I was rich, political life courted me; I was not the weary plodder of 1814. Then my heart was full of eager desires, now my eyes were full of tears; once my life was all before me to fill as I could, now I knew it to be a desert. I was still young,--only twenty-nine,--but my heart was withered. A few years had sufficed to despoil that landscape of its early glory, and to disgust me with life. You can imagine my feelings when, on turning round, I saw Madeleine on the terrace.

A prey to imperious sadness, I gave no thought to the end of my journey. Lady Dudley was far, indeed, from my mind, and I entered the courtyard of her house without reflection. The folly once committed, Iwas forced to carry it out. My habits were conjugal in her house, and I went upstairs thinking of the annoyances of a rupture. If you have fully understood the character and manners of Lady Dudley, you can imagine my discomfiture when her majordomo ushered me, still in my travelling dress, into a salon where I found her sumptuously dressed and surrounded by four persons. Lord Dudley, one of the most distinguished old statesmen of England, was standing with his back to the fireplace, stiff, haughty, frigid, with the sarcastic air he doubtless wore in parliament; he smiled when he heard my name.

Arabella's two children, who were amazingly like de Marsay (a natural son of the old lord), were near their mother; de Marsay himself was on the sofa beside her. As soon as Arabella saw me she assumed a distant air, and glanced at my travelling cap as if to ask what brought me there. She looked me over from head to foot, as though I were some country gentlemen just presented to her. As for our intimacy, that eternal passion, those vows of suicide if I ceased to love her, those visions of Armida, all had vanished like a dream. I had never clasped her hand; I was a stranger; she knew me not. In spite of the diplomatic self-possession to which I was gradually being trained, Iwas confounded; and all others in my place would have felt the same.

De Marsay smiled at his boots, which he examined with remarkable interest. I decided at once upon my course. From any other woman Ishould modestly have accepted my defeat; but, outraged at the glowing appearance of the heroine who had vowed to die for love, and who had scoffed at the woman who was really dead, I resolved to meet insolence with insolence. She knew very well the misfortunes of Lady Brandon; to remind her of them was to send a dagger to her heart, though the weapon might be blunted by the blow.

"Madame," I said, "I am sure you will pardon my unceremonious entrance, when I tell you that I have just arrived from Touraine, and that Lady Brandon has given me a message for you which allows of no delay. I feared you had already started for Lancashire, but as you are still in Paris I will await your orders at any hour you may be pleased to appoint."She bowed, and I left the room. Since that day I have only met her in society, where we exchange a friendly bow, and occasionally a sarcasm.

I talk to her of the inconsolable women of Lancashire; she makes allusion to Frenchwomen who dignify their gastric troubles by calling them despair. Thanks to her, I have a mortal enemy in de Marsay, of whom she is very fond. In return, I call her the wife of two generations.

So my disaster was complete; it lacked nothing. I followed the plan Ihad laid out for myself during my retreat at Sache; I plunged into work and gave myself wholly to science, literature, and politics. Ientered the diplomatic service on the accession of Charles X., who suppressed the employment I held under the late king. From that moment I was firmly resolved to pay no further attention to any woman, no matter how beautiful, witty, or loving she might be. This determination succeeded admirably; I obtained a really marvellous tranquillity of mind, and great powers of work, and I came to understand how much these women waste our lives, believing, all the while, that a few gracious words will repay us.

But--all my resolutions came to naught; you know how and why. Dear Natalie, in telling you my life, without reserve, without concealment, precisely as I tell it to myself, in relating to you feelings in which you have had no share, perhaps I have wounded some corner of your sensitive and jealous heart. But that which might anger a common woman will be to you--I feel sure of it--an additional reason for loving me.

Noble women have indeed a sublime mission to fulfil to suffering and sickened hearts,--the mission of the sister of charity who stanches the wound, of the mother who forgives a child. Artists and poets are not the only ones who suffer; men who work for their country, for the future destiny of the nations, enlarging thus the circle of their passions and their thoughts, often make for themselves a cruel solitude. They need a pure, devoted love beside them,--believe me, they understand its grandeur and its worth.

To-morrow I shall know if I have deceived myself in loving you.

Felix.

同类推荐
热门推荐
  • 爆炎传奇

    爆炎传奇

    谁说法师只能躲在后方射小火球?谁说法师pk技术渣?杨铭,一个在常人眼里普通的大学生,看他用火焰,笑傲整个世界
  • 黑白

    黑白

    小说的背景放在民国时期,讲述一代棋王陶羊子在棋道上的修行。这部被文学评论界称为“中国首部表现棋文化的长篇杰作”的作品,描写了棋手陶羊子跌宕的一生。本书讲述江南多雨的小镇,是陶羊子人生的出发点。如水的灵气和如雨的晦蒙养成了他童年孤独、敏感的性格,也形成了他水般柔弱、水般坚韧的棋路。故事围绕着陶羊子与围棋息息相关的生活展开,通过围棋写人生,通过个人写历史,题材独特,深深发掘了传统文化中蕴含的独特魅力。
  • 烈焰成池

    烈焰成池

    更改介绍喜欢的爱情,战得胜时间,抵得住流年,经得起离别,受得住想念。他是冷漠不羁的天才摄影师,天南地北如风飞。他是浪荡桀骜的乖戾油画家,走马声色欲沉浮。她曾经只不过是A大校园里的一名普通大学生,却因一场狗血的讲座而与他狭路相逢。千帆过尽始之情衷,初见到底是谁晃了谁的眼?那些曾经促使着她热血沸腾的人和事,外表的光鲜与夺目,摊开来的细枝末节,像根刺包裹在失望和颓废中,终究她的悬崖勒马让她再次平淡如菊,曾经拥有过的那不劳而获的捷径,摔得残疾,再无法热情起来,而她也终于明白,当有一天你把心放在他人手里时就注定了不能去计较得失和代价。一念放下,烈焰成池。可是,为什么他还要好死不死的继续纠缠?而你还可曾记得那个夜晚,她在唱着“你知道吗,那偶然滑落在你脸颊的雨滴,是我的泪,成全你的自由。现在的,你看到的我是蓝色的。”
  • 化玄

    化玄

    昔年天地各自生存着次序,天上生活着天族,地上生活人族,以及一些不知名的生命种族,但由于域外神族的入侵,将天族消灭殆尽,神族取而代之后,对灵源之域进行一次次的征伐,只为寻找到天之源。天之源被天族保存在九重天宫中十二神龙殿之中,作为天族护天大阵核心,护天大阵照样被神族攻破,此后天之源所生自主意识散落在九重天之上,流落到域外星空乱流消失殆尽从来没有出现过!天之源消失后神族意识到天之源的心念意识但为寻天之源神族并未逗留,离开后天族的老弱残兵难敌龙族被龙族取代。而木池镇上,少年赵辰此时此刻,却还在极限的挣扎着摆脱命运的束缚········
  • 妾有心机,腹黑王爷药别停

    妾有心机,腹黑王爷药别停

    “王爷,妾身可没那么小心眼,我们那儿的人常说‘拳头多大,心就有多大,”某女眨巴着乌黑的杏仁眼,把拳头伸到某男面前,撅起红唇:“呶,您看,妾身的拳头可不小,我说了我不会报仇,呵呵,我大人不记小人过嘛!”田韵身着破布烂衫,脸都没洗干净,一身乞丐装,唯独那眼睛却是闪着灵光,喉咙里干干的挤出一丝谄媚的笑,鸡皮疙瘩‘扑嗍嗍’掉了一地。“那、你看看我的心有多大?”某腹黑男眯起眼睛,欺近身,细长的桃花眼盯着女子,伸出拳头,某女霎时脸色变黑,尴尬一笑,小粉拳慢慢缩回了袖里。【情节虚构,请勿模仿】
  • 邪神的复苏

    邪神的复苏

    一个被赶出神族和家族的他,在深处里到底有多少不为人知的秘密?为了救醒被神族所误伤的女人,他不惜再次被神族封印力量.在能人辈出龙蛇混杂的西楚大陆上,他又能顺利救醒他的女人吗?还有神族又面对着怎样的危机?#########################################推荐:《神兵传》作者:席明月《阴阳法王之神妻鬼妾》作者:铜铃《鬼域悍警》作者:玉晚楼
  • 水目阏

    水目阏

    首部同名短篇集。记载一段不弃不离的青春时光。
  • 异出菩萨本起经

    异出菩萨本起经

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • 五灯严统解惑编

    五灯严统解惑编

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • 儒教的使命:胡适谈国学

    儒教的使命:胡适谈国学

    适是中国现代史上著名的思想家、学问家、政治家、社会活动家,在五四新文化运动中,他与陈独秀、鲁迅等并称新文化运动的主将,其思想和学说在中国现代思想界、文化界都产生过非常大的影响。长期以来,在中国大陆,公众对胡适的思想观点及其在中国现代史上的意义缺乏了解。随着改革开放,思想界、学术界对胡适思想的介绍和研究日益深入,对他在中国近现代思想史上的作用和地位有了较为客观公正的评价。